


what's changed with you

by shytrash



Series: Electrical Engineering - short works [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Assistant Darcy Lewis, Cocaine, Darcy Lewis Feels, Darcy Lewis-centric, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Past Drug Addiction, Protective Tony Stark, Rehabilitation, Self-Destruction, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Workplace, personal assistant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 15:21:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30057504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shytrash/pseuds/shytrash
Summary: Darcy Lewis has to run a tight ship. So, she starts a habit to help her focus and excel but ends up spiralling and if she's not careful her boss, Tony Stark, is going to find out.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis & Tony Stark, Darcy Lewis/Tony Stark
Series: Electrical Engineering - short works [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2212986
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	what's changed with you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I enjoyed writing the Darcy/Tony smut the other day so I wanted to try something a little different. I've put Tony through hells in my other fics and now I thought I'd switch it up. Let me know if you enjoyed it.

It was like a secret love affair, really. This dirty secret she kept to herself, only  _ ever  _ to herself (and her dealer), that nobody could discover. Like an affair, there would be a ripple effect of consequences she isn’t ready to face yet. Talks of treatments she can’t afford and doesn’t want. Even being the personal assistant to Tony Stark isn’t enough to send herself to rehab. Why waste that money when it wasn’t something she needed to do? She had it under control, it was just helping with her workload right now. Balancing Tony and her own life was hectic and she needed to be able to keep up with it. That’s what she told herself in the beginning anyway. On her days off, few and far in between, she kept using. A couple of bumps in the morning, a couple more when she would go out for the night on occasion. There was always a fine line in her usage though. 

If she went too far, she’d be left with a headache and splotchy vision. Her hands would shake and it would take her a while to feel more level headed and grounded. She started to worry when she got that way at work once, unable to focus on any simple tasks that were waiting for her. If Tony noticed, he said nothing at the time. She was lucky she didn’t have to be around him for the whole day or she’d have gone mad by now. If he did find out, she’d lose the job. Instantly. Even with his background, it isn’t  _ right  _ to keep her on when she’d be a liability. There are enough savings to pay her rent for a few months but that’s if she didn’t fuck anything else up once she was jobless if that was going to happen. Darcy sees that as a very slippery slope into a place she used to be in her early teen years, briefly. Partying more than she studied, drank more than she slept most nights. Self-destruction had been easy when there was no family around to monitor her and Darcy  _ thrived  _ on the feeling of being not quite herself. Somewhere between her real self and the person she wants to be, tries to be when she’s working. 

The moment her world started to tip upside down, she had been using almost every fucking day for three months. It had been a problem in general for five. It’s clear she isn’t sleeping right, is losing weight due to never being hungry anymore. While she could hide so much behind make-up and her wardrobe it was becoming clear to people that something had  _ changed  _ and she was struggling to keep up the masquerade on this day. It had started normal, coffee and a line or two. A brief walk to work, Stark Tower looming above in the sky, through the traffic that usually put her in the best mood yet today the weather was overcast and she didn’t feel as bouncy and alert as usual. She felt off, headachy. Like she was starting to come down with something and it didn’t sit right with her at all. Sighing, Darcy Lewis pushed through it all because that’s what she’s paid to do. 

Grabbing her security tag to enter the private elevator, she sees the small plastic bag tucked into her purse. Quickly, she secures it in the zipper compartment of her purse and tries her best to act like normal as she grabs her tag and scans it, shakily getting into the elevator and waiting for the doors to close before she gulps for air. She’s nervous, filled with shame and self-loathing for forgetting something like this. Her  _ work purse  _ has a bag of cocaine in it and it’s the first time she’s actually bought hard drugs into work with her. There’s almost always time in her day to duck out under the claim of a coffee run or a last-minute errand she forgot about so she can stop home, indulge in a few bumps and continue her day. The morning usage is normally enough to get through the day usually. Lately, however, a second stop seemed necessary. Darcy can’t help but wonder if another hit would help now as she’s terrified, trying to calm herself down about the situation she’s in. It’s illogical to think another bump of an illegal substance would help anything, but here she is. 

When the doors are open, Tony is there waiting for her, leaning against his lab's glass doors as he stares at her and she forces herself to be composed and walk towards him with her usual  _ don’t fucking mess with me  _ attitude. She isn’t even sure how well it works. She can’t read her boss’ face at all. His eyes drag up and down her body and she wants to cover herself up under his gaze like if he looks for too long he’ll figure it out. He’ll know her secret. It’s in her purse. All he has to do is go looking and he’d find it and he’d know,  _ he’d know,  _ those brown eyes would pity her and force her out of her job, out of the tower, his life. “Morning, Mister Stark. Should we go through the plans for the day?” She pushed it all to the back of her head, trying _ so hard  _ to make everything seem normal, even if she felt completely foreign in this body. 

“I’m just trying to figure out what’s changed with you, Lewis,” Tony said casually and Darcy felt herself stiffen slightly at his words. She couldn’t help it. “I just can’t put my finger on it yet.” There was no playful joking in his tone as usual and her stomach was in knots now. This problem of hers, her dirty secret, was really starting to get out of control. She felt like her hands were slipping off the wheel but the car was only getting faster. Bound to crash and burn, engulfed in fire as she deserved for all of this  _ mess.  _ Her life was getting so messy now. 

“The only thing I’ve changed is the box dye I’ve used on my hair,” she tried to lamely joke but her tone was flat. Tony’s eyebrows knitted together as he watched her and Darcy didn’t want to look him in the eyes. It was hard. Her grip on her purse tightened. “Stop staring and let’s get to work, or else you can explain to Pepper why we’re running late.”

When she pulled out her phone from her jacket pocket to read through the daily agenda she had put together yesterday, she pretended it was normal to hold onto her phone as her life depended on it so her hand wouldn’t shake. Tony’s eyes were still on her. She was sure the bag of coke was burning a hole through her purse. It was all she could think about.

  
  


.

  
  


Predictably, she fucked up. It was bound to happen when she’d put herself into a situation like  _ this.  _ She created this whole problem and when it happened, there was no one else to blame. The day had dragged alone and Darcy kept feeling worse and worse until she felt like she had to sneak away to her private bathroom, locked her office door and then her bathroom door to feel safe. She knew Jarvis didn’t have cameras in here, so she felt like she could get away with this. It would help her feel better and then she’d have to look at having time off so she can wean herself off the shit. It wasn’t sustainable, it was starting to cloud her judgement and work capabilities. This was an opportunity she swore she wouldn’t fuck up and here she is after so long, working her way up to Iron Man’s personal fucking assistant and she’s blowing it up. Majorly. Just a couple bumps, enough to perk her up and get her functioning again. She tried to not think about how  _ fucked up _ this whole thing is. 

Her office at the tower wasn’t really necessary since she always carried her phone and laptop around mainly, yet she was thankful for the sanctuary it provided her in moments like this. Tony’s lab wasn’t far away and she left him deep in work, AC/DC blaring around him. He’s away from this and so switched on by the looks of the mess around him and the grease marks everywhere that she can take her time to feel normal. Maybe even force something down her throat to help with the shakiness hopefully. She felt dirty once she’d packed away the little stash of powder back into her purse, checking her reflection for any signs of her shameful habit. Rubbing at her nose slightly, Darcy sighed as she took in the sight of herself. Pale, dark bags under her eyes that can only half be covered with concealer. Slight chubbiness to her cheeks is gone, not enough weight lost to blame it on anything other than hard efforts at the gym paying off. Right? Another sigh as she stared at the marble countertop in her bathroom.  _ Pull yourself together, for fucks sake. Get through today.  _

She didn’t know if she would be able to, honestly, but she tried to hype herself up. Even as it started to hit her, she couldn’t pull the guilt out of her mind just yet. It was like a heavy blanket weighing her down. The realization that she’d taken this too far. Way too fucking far. Part of her wanted to tip the rest of the powder down the sink. Walk away with nothing on herself. Would it help ease the guilt? She’d be looking for more tonight. Or she’d need weed to be able to sleep  _ at all  _ if she did it. Gripping the counter, she squeezed her eyes shut. There was another part of her that wanted her to keep it, go home and finish it all off before getting serious about shutting down this habit of hers. Addiction. She should call it what it really is. Stop it before anyone else finds out. She grabbed her purse, stuck on what to do still. Maybe going completely cold turkey is too dangerous, would get in the way of work more than it has already started to. 

When she finally decided to keep it secure in her purse, her secret clutched tightly between her hands, she walked out of her bathroom to find Tony in the doorway of her office. Leaning against the doorframe, how she found him this morning. There was instantly a pit in her stomach. Unlike earlier, he wasn’t looking at her. He blocked the doorway with his body, staring at his sunglasses that were in his oil-stained hands. When she opened her mouth to speak, nothing coming out, he finally looked at her. “Nothing to say? No witty Darcy Lewis remark to snap at me with? The situation really is dire,” he sighed and there was no pity on his face, pure and simple sadness instead. Guilt, if her eyes weren’t betraying her. She closed her mouth. Darcy didn’t know what to say. If she should say anything at all. “Give it to me, Lewis.” His eyes were too much for her to handle and she looked anywhere but at his face. 

“Give you what, exactly? Tony, whatever this is, just let me get back to work. Why are you even in here, can’t let a girl have some privacy?” Darcy said and she could hear the unsteadiness in her voice now, her knuckles were white holding onto her purse. He couldn’t know. She refuses to believe he knows what’s hidden 

Tony started to move towards her then and she fought the urge to take a step back. That’d been seen as admitting something isn’t quite right. The walls were closing in though, she knew, and her brain couldn’t fucking process anything other than  _ fuck fuck fuck  _ at the situation she was in. “You know, I’ve known for a while. Don’t look so surprised. You know who you work for, right? How else did I manage at MIT when I was that young? Drugs. So, so many drugs. It started off with Adderall and weed, you know. Then, cocaine and ecstasy at parties. Heroine when it all became too much. Rehab multiple times. I know what you’re doing because I know what to look for. I had to wait for proof, though. Solid evidence so I could pin you down and get the  _ truth  _ from you. Addicts always mess up at some point.” By the time he was finished talking he was standing in front of her, eyes glued to hers as he spoke and she shrunk back from his words. “This game of self-destruction is over. Give it to me, Lewis,” he held his hand out when he said that and Darcy was frozen. 

She never wanted it to go down like this. There’s a voice in the back of her head already planning how fucked up she’s going to be getting once she’s kicked out of the tower. Her hands are shaking. No way in hell can she give it to him, eyes on her purse as she tries to figure out if she can talk herself out of this one. She’s snapped out of her racing thoughts by tanned and dirty hands covering her shaking ones holding her shameful secret that isn’t very secretive anymore. Besides Tony, Darcy didn’t have many people in her life. It felt crushing to have a man she cares for find out about this since she has seen all sides of him in this job and loves it, even the dark days and meltdowns. Those days where she wanted to pull her hair out and cuss out Tony like the stubborn thirteen-year-old he used to act like. Darcy didn’t realise she was crying until she saw the teardrops land on their hands. “It’s in here, isn’t it, baby?” He whispered softly between them like he’d break her in half if he spoke too loudly. 

More tells fell as her head snapped up to meet his eyes. He’d never called her that before and it made her nod her head, grip loosening on the purse slightly as he tried to pry it out of her hands. It rolled off his tongue so easily. _Isn’t it, baby?_ It was thrown into the mix of thoughts flying around in her head. The secret was exposed, her love affair coming to light in such an ugly way. There was no euphoria from her activities in the bathroom rushing through her body as usual. Cripping shame filled her as he opened her purse and took out the baggie, just under half full, with a grim expression on his face. Part of her wanted to snatch it back. The other part, the _slightly_ bigger part, stood still and kept crying. Rubbed her nose absentmindedly, praying it doesn’t start bleeding to prove how bad and consistent her usage has gotten. That’d be the nail in the coffin. Tony watched her movements before walking past her and into the bathroom. 

There was no time to even protest before he was tipping it into the toilet and flushing it. Her breath hitched in her throat as her boss stared at the toilet until the water was unmoving and completely clear. No evidence of what he’d flushed moments ago. Darcy, unable to take standing on such shaky legs anymore, sat in her office chair and put her head in her hands as she cried silently. This was fucking crazy. It only got crazier as Tony spoke again. “J, call Pepper on a secure line,” he had his back to Darcy as she stared up at him, dreading this conversation. She was fired, she knew what was coming. Having to hear him tell Pepper was going to be so humiliating. “Pep, yeah, hey. I’m going to need you to clear the next two weeks of my schedule. There’s a situation that has come up. Darcy can’t do it, it’s a long story. Start looking around for the top rehabilitation centre near us… Not for me, Pep. I promise. Send me some details. I’m putting the tower on lockdown after this... I can let you know more later. Yeah, yeah, I know, I’d call Rhodey if something was up, but I swear this isn’t about me. Jesus, Pepper. Have a bit more faith. I’ll talk to you later.” 

  
Darcy was completely silent. Shocked, coked-up and  _ anxious.  _ “I’m going to help you get off this shit, Darcy. Then you’re going to come back and keep being the only thing that feels right in my life. I won’t let this fuck you up any longer. I can’t stand to watch it happen.” His tone was final, leaving no room for her to argue as he grabbed her hand and squeezed it. 


End file.
